When Everything Gets Too Much

Even if you said before, “Yes, I’d love to do that for you,” it’s not a bad thing if at some point we need a break.

Sometimes it’s hard to make out the point where everything is too much. And once it’s been crossed, it’s usually already too late.

With a nervous system that has been trained to always put everyone else’s needs first, it’s especially hard.

It’s lovely to have people around you who handle this gently and lovingly remind you that it’s also perfectly okay to simply say: “No, I’m sorry, I can’t today – no matter what. I need time for myself.”

And it takes constant practice to notice this point in time, or rather to allow it for yourself. We don’t always have to perform, neither for ourselves nor for everyone else. We’re allowed to simply treat ourselves to a little rest now and then. It doesn’t hurt anyone, and we’re doing something good for ourselves.

And even if we’ve promised someone something and know they’re looking forward to it… No one can know how you’re doing today, how exhausted or stressed you are today, if you don’t communicate it. If all you want is to see the other person happy and you go completely beyond your own limits to do it, in a healthy environment that creates, at most, a guilty conscience. Because a friend or a loving partner doesn’t want to see you suffer, even if you promised them something. A true friend wants you to be okay, not to watch you completely wear yourself out. If you do it anyway, what you mainly do is load the other person with a feeling they never wanted to create. You transfer your burden onto others, or, in the worst case, hold them responsible when they don’t notice how you’re feeling. But how is the other person supposed to know your limit if you don’t know it yourself? And especially when, completely against your exhaustion, you keep insisting that you’ll manage everything, that it’s “no big deal” and that you’re happy to do it. Of course you’re happy to do it, and that doesn’t change if you have to put off a promise for a while.

So it’s better to take a break until you feel better again, and then the people around you can simply receive your gift with gratitude. Because the effort, time and passion with which you give something to others are so much more valuable when you yourself are happy doing it. ❤️

“so learn to pay attention to your body’s warning signals. When it’s too much, it’s too much. Then it’s time for self-care! And your giving becomes even more valuable for the people around you, too.

🖤🖤🖤

As a survivor of a traumatic childhood, I'm not speaking as a psychological counselor; I'm telling you about my own life experience and sharing what I've learned.